I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
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You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
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I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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