I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
