So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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