I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
