So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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