Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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