..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
