I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
