If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
