I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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