Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Randomize
