You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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