Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
