Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
