i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
