That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
