Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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