It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
