Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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