i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
