her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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