i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dick very happy bro
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
