i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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