is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
