she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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