new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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