You're so nebulous sometimes
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
