your thong is hanging out like whoa
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
