So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
