Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
