I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Pooping to opera.
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