that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
