Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
