You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
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To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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