Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I checked into jail on foursquare
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize