Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
