M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
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plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
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if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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