omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She bit a glass in half.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize