i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
