all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
