just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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