All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
