I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
