she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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