I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
