I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize