my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize