hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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