im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
