somebody snuck up and got me drunk
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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