so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
