just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
