so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
