woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
