when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
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