So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
