my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
