When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
