From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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