You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
