Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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