I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
