I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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