Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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