The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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