No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
