Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
