used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's shark week go big or go home
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
